Interview with Harry Faddis about the 3-Minute Game – Somatic Consent

Interview with Harry Faddis in March 2021

Harry Faddis D.D., C.P.C.C. is programming director of the The Easton Mountain Retreat Center in New York.

Harry is the creator of the 3-Minute Game. He developed the game back in 1998 for a BDSM workshop on power, surrender and intimacy.

I myself have been playing with this revolutionary matrix for transformation since 2011 in different forms. Professionally, I have initiated thousands of people around the world into self-empowerment through the 3-Minute Game.

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The essence of the 3-Minute Game is the expression of desires and limits.

The challenge and potential of the 3-Minute Game lies in learning how to integrate and transform shadows that arise when we can’t ask for what we really want or when we can’t say “no”. We can make great discoveries by enquiring into what we are doing instead, when we can’t ask for what we want, or when we can’t say “no”.

Harry’s background is rooted in the 12-step program and as a student of “Rumi” for 30 years.

As Harry describes in this interview, “giving the gift of power” and surrendering to a higher power than ourself guides us into the divine aspect within all of us.

As Rumi said, you must ask for what you really want, don’t go back to sleep. The simplicity of the 3-Minute Game in combination with neuroscience and deep communication and awareness, has the potential to unwire our conditioning in most subtle and loving ways. This is biohacking through upgrading our thoughtware into becoming the gift that we all simply by being.

The two question of the 3-Minute game are:

What do you want to do to me for 3 minutes?

What do you want me to do to you for 3 minutes?

Both questions are an offer and here is the key to unravel the magic…

The person asked has to make a request based on a desire.

From the two questions, there are only two requests possible: Permission: May I…? Agreement: Will you…?

Who is doing the action and who it is for, are both clearly defined.

In short, one person is receiving, and the other person is giving. That varies during the different encounters based on where you are in the game.

When it’s for you, you are receiving and you have to do do two things in parallel: 1) put yourself first 2) respect the givers limits

When it is for the other person, you are giving and you have to do two things in parallel too: 1) put aside what you want 2) respect your limits

This matrix allows the player to recognise the dynamics of who is doing the action and who the action is for. This opens up an awareness of when there is action happening without an agreement – what we call the shadows. It also opens up an awareness that there is and can be action between two people where both are in action and doing what they want while it is for both. This opens up the interpersonal space of lovemaking, friendship and intimate connection into the transformative realm of divine unity.

Please feel welcome to watch the video or read the transcript below.